Playing it Safe

I am currently reading 'The Cherry Orchard' and one character's line resonated with me hard:

"I've become nervous, I worry all the time. They took me into service when I was still a little girl, I'm now out of the habit of the simple life, and I've got white, white hands, like a young lady's. I've become delicate, so refined, so ladylike, everything frightens me ... It's terrible. And if you deceived me, Yasha, I don't know what my nerves will do."

I have always been a worrier, highly afflicted from childhood into my twenties and when I got the help I needed, though I was indeed more secure, it wasn't without the aid of keeping my life safe.

When I started to think about my future and ambitions during school, into uni then into early years employment, I perhaps had a less sensible and realistic view of the world. I didn't go into the arts like I might have wanted to, and though the jobs I took weren't terrible, they incurred a lot of stress and anxiety. Not the ideal potion for a prone worrier. We all live and learn, but once I had taken stock of my issues, unable to handle the anxiety anymore, as I became settled and recovered, I told myself in order to avoid going back to that state, I should avoid risk taking at all costs. I would do my less stressful 9 to 5 job, read voraciously and generally remain introverted and avoid situations that could incur danger! Well, the problem with that is you do become more delicate and even if the worry dissipates, you are less prepared for unavoidable instances of stress and anxiety.

Needless to say, I consider myself a very safe person. The quote above suggests one extreme or the other, whereas a happy medium is ideal. I'm not saying go out and book a sky dive, or join an extreme sports event, or learn to drive (ahem), but with an increase in creativity and venturing into the world of social media a bit more to showcase my work, an added bit of confidence is perhaps warranted. This year has so far been a lesson in finding my place and I have been doing so much: my work has improved; I've ventured into different forms of art; and taken a few plunges to get my work out there, submitting it to competitions, building up my website and pursuing (harassing) people (family) to subscribe!

Even if it seems like you're punching above your weight, or you've left things too late to start now, sharing what you do to a vast number of people, regardless of whether it does get lost in the ether, it could be an exercise in boosting your esteem and confidence and taking a bit of a risk.

I am my own worst critic, to the point I will agonize over a piece of work, trying to ensure it's perfected, most likely to avoid harsh (or any) criticism and again staying safe, but you can run the risk of over correcting and fussing to the point of ruin (that of the painting, not yourself... though maybe a small piece of yourself too!).

Yet on that note - and despite not always being able to take my own advice - I wholeheartedly believe anyone can draw, or paint. If you have an idea, whatever your skills with a pencil, or paintbrush, just go for it. Sometimes the most crude looking of pieces can hold something unique. Did Pollock have the dexterity with a paintbrush like Michelangelo did? Of course not, that's why he dripped the paint everywhere! So scribble it down, splodge it around, be reckless and get a bit grubby. Don’t play it (too) safe.